Yesterday, I saw my medical chart at the doctor's office, and it listed obesity as my latest health problem. I cried and cried about it on the way home. But before you try to console me, saying I'm NOT obese- that I'm beautiful, let me tell you what it made me realize.
I came home- and Evan and I talked about how I was feeling. I was angry at God, bitterly wondering if it was HIS will to make me big or if it was my own fault.
But then we went our separate ways in prayer, and God spoke to my heart.
He whispered a gentle conviction that lifted my eyes up. I'd been holding onto a sin for a very long time. Ever since I was little, I'd been tying weight up with worth, whether I was judging myself or other people even. That's why being placed in the "overweight" category- whether or not it is true- upset me so much. I now had to judge myself like I had judged others, and it hurt. So. Much.
But I read this article today. I found it on the internet- the title is "Praying for weight loss? Pray this instead!" Access it through this link, I highly recommend:
In it, a woman named Erin writes:
For most women, our true motivation for wanting to lose weight comes from a deeper, darker place. When the Lord brought me face to face with my own true motivation for wanting to lose weight, He brought to light a dark corner of my heart where I falsely believed I needed to lose weight to be good enough.
He revealed how I allowed the lies of diet culture to entangle my body with my identity and to enslave me to seek skinny as my security and satisfaction.
But God loved me too much to answer prayers coming from that dark corner of my heart.
Instead, in His great mercy, he illuminated my life with the light of His love and helped me surrender dieting and weight loss.
I want to challenge you to try something new this year and join me on this path to follow Jesus, not diets.
Friends, my prayer is that somehow, MY story and journey toward stubbornly refusing to place worth in outward appearances will inspire you to try and do the same. Because it's beautiful to take up the same eyes as our Lord.
"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles... fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." - Hebrews 12:1-2
Comments